i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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