He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
