You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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