If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize