I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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