I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
When are your genitals available?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
