I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
