Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
