He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
