i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
