She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
