Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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