That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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