he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
