i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
