Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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