Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
MIDGETS
????
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
