Whod you bang
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
