Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
