The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
