I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
