Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
