If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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