Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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