We're like a lot better than the average bears
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize