so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
