Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
