So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
