CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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