YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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