I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
