what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
