call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
