i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
