Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
