Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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