i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
