PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
