so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Someone shit on the floor
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize