Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
