I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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