Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do vagina's smell?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
