i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
