i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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