piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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