Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
