Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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