Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Thank you for not boning my boss.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
