Moan for me like Helen Keller
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
