North Korea, Best Korea!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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