me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just forgot I was standing up.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
