I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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