I'm eating all of the evidence.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
