i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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