I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
