I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
