we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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