Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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