You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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