So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
