I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
