He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
