doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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