Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
