def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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