You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
