Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
