How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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