I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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