Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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