i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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