A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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